since this is my first blog, i would like to give out these few things. in this blog you will not find my real name cause i am gay and i have not yet come out to the society and specially my family. my parents live in this small town and i study outside( in another city). so i will use the penname mrigatrishna. for those who dont know hindi- mrigatrishna is the hindi for mirage. trishna is something like illusion and mriga means deer. so mriga trishna is the illusion that the deer experiences. but it basically means mirage.

so anyway, why did i decide to to write this blog in the first place. i am pretty old school and did not believe that anything substantial is possible on the net. and i still think so. its too untangible for be to able to believe in. but life put me in a situation where i cannot make much use of the tangible society. so here i am. on the net. loking for like minded people who believe in what i believe in. i will consider it a success if i find even one person of the same ideology as mine. at the same time i appreciate people with diferent ideologies and would like to know what they think. about everything. anyone who can stand by what they feel.

now a short incident which made me come all the way here from +Gmail to +Blogger . i was with my family today and we had to go to an engagement function. it was a nice party. there were a lot of people there, a lot of young people. married people. all dressed nad looking really pretty together. then my eye caught a cute looking young guy holding his wife's hand. (and i am not a crazy sick person who sees stuf like this and writes about it.) but it was something. it looked pure. and it looked real. then there was the couple getting engaged. they had a whole slow dance sequence and stuff going on. and it was beautiful.i generally dont feel the anything about it more thatn these rituals being just the motions one has to go through while getting married. i feel its all just random untrue stuff. but this time it was not the same. it had been a long time since i attended a wedding like this.  i had coffee, a little other stuff and we came back. me and my family. on the way back, i could not stop thinking of my girlfriend. and i could not stop thinking how much i wanted to be with her. hold hands. dance at my own wedding. but the sad part is that i cannot. maybe i cannot. i am gay and i cannot imagine coming out to my parents. i thought that how if i ever get married it'll be done only in front of my friends. and not my parents. then i thought about my mother. is it possible to make her understand. well, as of now, i think it is not. well, then after coming back, i tried calling my girlfriend. lets call her venus for now( though her name is way prettier than this) since it was pretty late, the call din go through. then one thought gave way to the other and i started thinking how it is one life that we all have, and we get different things. was i supposed to be gay or what! ( sid with no bitterness whatsover; just amusemnt). this is one of the many days i think of  all these things- being gay, my girlfriend, my life with her, in continuation about my family. and come to the conclusion that i wish i had her right now.

so to all the people out there who are reading this cause their person is somewhere out there and not with them, and also the people who have not fallen in love yet, open your heart and give out love. the one who recieves it will be by your side tomorrow.

love is the only truth that purifies one of the untrue and corrupt world.

with love
mriga trishna